New York, NY - July 13, 4:12 a.m.: After a long, hot night of chasers and chasing tail on Ave. B., Dens and I decided to admit defeat and go home empty-handed, per usual. On our way home on Houston St., a doorman eyed up Dens. And so met two immovable forces: someone with too much time on his hands and someone with too much beer in his gut.

Insults were tossed, punches were threatened, but eventually we decided on a way to settle it. It wouldn't be as lame as Footloose where scores were settled on the dance floor, but pretty close. Dens and the doorman decided to have a bike race around the block. The start/finish line was the awning of the Red Square building. Racers were to proceed due east to Ave. B, up to 2nd St., over to Ave. A, down to Houston and back to the awning - Downtown NYC's "Breaking Away."

Both racers broke clean towards Ave. B. After that, it's anybody's guess. All I remember was them rounding the corner on Houston a good ten minutes later with the doorman just barely ahead. As they neared the finish line, his girlfriend bolted out and tackled Dens. It was a clear violation of every rule, but seeing Dens splayed across the ground, head propped up on the tire of a Suzuki Sidekick...well, it was too funny to hold her at fault. I called it a draw. Dens called it a concussion.