THE SUNDANCE KID

Note: All the photos taken during the Real Cancun party at the Viacom chalet in Sundance were taken without the consent of any of the participants. Some say lawsuit. I say 'suck it'.

THE SCENE:

Park City is stunningly beautiful. It was cold and slightly snowy but nothing near as cold as NYC has been lately. It's a small town with a cute main street, only that cute little street gets invaded by 40,000 film geeks and Hollywood sleazeballs. Traffic is nightmarish but you can walk to some stuff. Some of the swankier events are in nearby Deer Valley, which is ritzier and even prettier. I didn't ski or snowboard cause I'm just not that coordinated.

Honestly, parties were mostly boring. I mean, how exciting is it to go to the same huge restaurant three nights in a row and talk to the same 15 gay film people I hang out with in NYC? But still somewhat fun and lots of free drinks. All the free food sucked. Crowds were big but mostly manageable. Utah is uptight, as you might expect. They ID'd us FOUR different times at the first party I went to, which was funny cause it was supposed to be this chill NYC underground rock party for Slamdance.

Bars start to close at 1 something. But then you just go to condo parties, or one night we went to this mansion where a guy from Black Rebel Motorcycle Club was playing acoustic, and there was this "secret" speakeasy that stayed open til 4, but it was annoyingly clique-y (you had to have a secret membership card to get in...I stole one from my boss). By my fifth and final night there, I was burnt on the scene, so I called up this guy Damon who is the boyfriend of my British film friend Leslie.

I'd never met him but figured he'd be more interesting than the usual posse. So I hung with him and another Brit and a cool Scottish woman at a normal bar where we -- shocker -- paid for our own drinks but that was so nice to get away from the mob scene. Then my friend Jonny's friends came to meet us and we all went to Jonny & crew's condo, drank a ton of beer, talked about movies, got really stoned, and jumped into their hot tub half naked at 5 a.m. My last memory of Park City will be running dripping wet through the snow from the hot tub to their condo. At least I went out with a bang.

Swag (aka free crap) wasn't as good as in years past (last year at one Sundance Channel party alone the gift bag was worth like $900!) but I got some decent stuff like a cashmere scarf from target, the new peter biskind book, some assorted promo CDs and other crap. Beggars can't be choosers.

Overall, I mostly loved it. The people were nice, the films were great, and it's a lovely spot to visit. Left me feeling (mostly) energized about indie film.

THE CELEB SPOTTINGS:

Maggie Gyllenhaal -- twice, she always looked a combination of lost or confused. Which is pretty typical for her I think.

Danny Glover -- saw him at a movie screening eating popcorn and looking normal.

Gael Garcia Bernal -- ran into him on Main Street. He's small but HOT. let me take his picture and seemed very nonchalant.

Mark Ruffalo -- saw him at a party. already met him in toronto so not a huge deal. Another one that's small but hot. Some dude was asking him about his brain tumor... Gotta get old talking about that, right?

Patti Labelle and David Allen Grier -- saw them posing outside a party. Evidently Patti sang later and was amazing.

Gregory Smith -- the "Everwood" dude, saw him walking on Main Street with his dad. he looked anorexic.

David Arquette & Courtney Cox -- saw the two of them at the Cinetic party, it was really cool that people were leaving them alone and not mobbing them. She was really tiny and looked much younger than her 39 years. The next night, a producer officially introduced me to David and he was really nice and down to earth.

Andrew Firestone -- aka one of the "The Bachelors" from ABC at the IFC party. What a dork. He has blonde highlights now and seemed to think he's cooler than he is.

And I met a bunch of young film directors that most of you wouldn't care about, but people were all friendly and humble and excited to be there, which is refreshing.

Ashton and Demi were there, I didn't see them but Brian met Ashton and took his picture. He said Ashton was relatively nice but his "Butterfly Effect" costar Amy Smart was a complete biiiyatch.

Paris Hilton evidently showed up at this David LaChapelle party where that Rick Soloman dude (sex video maker) was, so she hid in the kitchen. My pal Diana saw Paris at some other party, and Paris asked her where the bar was. Oh, the excitement!

THE MOVIES:

So I'm happy to report that even if the celebs were annoying and the parties boring, the films I saw were great. Sundance, for me at least, mostly lived up to its reputation.

Here they are in order of what you should care about:

Napoleon Dynamite

I've NEVER EVER laughed so hard in a film. People were going bananas. It's by this out of nowhere 24 year old Morman director, about a geeky teenager in Idaho dealing with his bizarre-o family and his freakish high school. "Rushmore" meets "Welcome to the Dollhouse" meets something brand new. Physical comedy gags, great '80s soundtrack, tater tot jokes, etc. etc. etc. It will come out in a few months probably, since Fox Searchlight bought it. Everyone will be required to go see it. I can't wait to see it again.

The Motorcycle Diaries

Walter Salles ("Central Station" director) offers up a road trip movie about Che Guevera and one of his buddies taking a year-long road trip in the 50s through Latin America. Just a really well done film, Gael Garcia Bernal plays Che. Beautiful scenery and it makes me want to vow to go to Manchu Picchu before I die. It feels really big and well done but also very subtle, not Hollywoody. Funny, touching, inspiring.

Garden State

Zach Braff, who plays the main dude on "Scrubs" (great show) makes his writing and directing debut, and also stars in this flick, about a struggling actor who comes home to Jersey for his mom's funeral. Probably the biggest "buzz" film of the festival, I liked it less than some people, who are calling Braff "the next Woody Allen." Not quite but it's a really great debut film. I thought some of the funny parts were too self-aware, Natalie Portman's character is a ditz, the narrative wanders a bit except for the middle hour, and the ending is way too easy. Other than that, a fucking great soundtrack, and it's a mostly original tale, which is more than you can say for 99% of the crap at the multiplex.

November

Courteney Cox breaks out of her Friends shell. A low budget Memento type tale, with fractured structure. Some of it is confusing (or just doesn't make any sense) but overall it's very interesting. A lot of style on not a lot of money. Risk taking but could crossover.

Dig

A doc about two bands, the Brian Jonestown Massacre and the Dandy Warhols. Did I mention that's two bands very few people care about enough to sit through a movie about them? I even like the bands alright, but thought the film wasn't that spectacular. The real story here is about Anton, the mad genius that fronts Brian Jonestown Massacre, but there's not quite enough exploration of him. Still, probably worth seeing if this sounds like your cup of tea.

Down to the Bone

A tough sell -- a very quiet, not showy, slow tale of a women living near Woodstock, NY dealing with a stale marriage and a coke habit. Minimal and not too in your face, which means it probably won't ever come to a movie theater near you. But very very very well done.

CSA: the Confederate States of America

The most controversial film at the fest -- its a fiction film that's like a Ken Burns-y PBSy mockumentary about the history of the US if the south had won the civil war and slavery continued. I thought much of it was really shockingly funny. Pushes plenty of buttons and some people found it offensive and sloppy, but I think it raises some important points and also happened to make me laugh.

Metallica: Some Kind of Monster

Even if you don't like Metallica, you have to see this. It's sort of like the fact that I'm not particularly interested in pedophiles or birthday clowns, but I think "Capturing the Friedmans" is phenomenal. The doc is two and a half hours long. directors are big time indie doc makers who got amazing access to the band as they basically had all kinds of meltdowns and went to therapy, rehab, and oh yes, the recording studio. Fascinating stuff.

Saddest Music in the World

Cult director Guy Maddin offers a tale of a wintry town in Canada decades ago that hosts a contest to see what musician can offer the saddest song ever written. It was a little too quirky for me (i.e. Isabella Rossellini plays a beer baroness who lost both her legs but makes new ones out of glass and fills them with beer). Still, some things to admire about it.

Dirty Work

A doc about a bull semen collector, a mortician, and a sewage worker. Well done but not stellar. And gross. But watching a guy jack off a bull for a living is a nice reminder that a desk job isn't the worst thing in the world.

Farmingville

About a community on long island dealing with an influx of illegal immigrants. Very PBS-y. Interesting but not stunning.

Investigation into the Invisible World

Doc about Icelandic people who believe in elves and fairiies and shit. Evidently this is more Icelanders than you might think. Not a must see but had some beautiful images and was kinda poetic.

Saved!

Pretty funny teen story about a religious right girl that gets pregnant. Starts out as a smart satire but started to get more and more unoriginal as it went on. Mandy Moore and Jena Malone are both excellent.

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

Film noir from Mike Hodges starring Clive Owen (hotty from "Croupier.") After sitting through it for two hours, I realized it wasn't horrible but I left thinking "so what." Skip it.

Oh and I didn't see it personally but people said this flick "Harry and Max" was one of the worst things anybody's seen in years. About a boy band singer and his pop star brother who start having sex with each other. You've been warned.